Because I could not stop for Death --
He kindly stopped for me --
The Carriage held but just Ourselves --
And Immortality.
Emily Dickinson

This Friday my guy took me to the very very remote cemetery and catholic church outside of marshall he found many years ago driving around. His driving around is called "Leo's shortcut" by the way. Anyways we grabbed my camera and he drug me out of the house while I said ugh...whateverrrr a cemetery??? oooookkkk
we pulled up and I couldn't speak...I can type a whole lot of words here but I cannot...cannot...give you the absolute awe and peace I felt as I walked through the gate. History...it was a cemetery before the church was built.

The Youree family built the church in memory of their 30 something year old son that died.


Hopefully you will see the love that that these families had for their dearly departed. Families spent so much time and dedication to their lost loved ones back then...and as you will see even generations down they still care for and visit their families grave sites......

I felt so much peace and love i wanted to share these pictures with you all.

The trees were beautiful also!


I found this one particularly moving. Another family amongst many. Only this one had an angel with her eyes open and the name Mary Rose. The place felt so peaceful. It made me think of my mother I lost 8 years ago this month. Her name was Rosemary.

May The Peace Of The Lord Be With You All. Have a Blessed and Happy New Year!

The Best Christmas Ever

Yes, by far this was the best Christmas I have had in many, many years. The love of my life, my precious children and my sister and my wonderful Aunt and Uncle and cousin and her children all made it. The boys spent two nights and we had a wonderful visit. It is so good to see these young men relax and act like kids sometimes. My marine and my middle son, flying the remote airplane they got their little brother.
I am so blessed
>Thank You Lord for ALL you have given me!

CHRISTMAS MEAL

Well, today I did a test drive on a pie my marine asked for. CHOCOCHIPECAN PIE!
First EVER homemade pie I have made! I am soooooo excited!

My Aunt and Uncle are coming in to see my cousin. I haven't seen them in almost 3 yrs I think...and I just recently moved within 30 min of my cousin. So they are all coming for my Christmas Meal. But most of all I am excited to see my Marine! He has been at school far far away! My precious baby....ahem excuse me....my wonderful young adult!


Ok here is my menu....I will show you all how hopefully wonderful it turns out afterwards!


Christmas Meal...
VEGGIE TRAY
baby carrots
celery
cheese cubes
summer sausage
Ritz crackers
black olives
grape tomatoes
cucumber
ranch dip
FRUIT TRAY
cantaloupe
strawberries
peaches
grapes
pineapple
oranges
apples
cool whip
CHIPS AND DIP
HONEY NUT CHEX MIX
MAIN COURSE
Turkey
Honey Ham
Rolls
Glazed Carrots
Whipped Potatoes
Brown Gravy
Pinto Beans
Broccoli & Cheese Casserole
Dressing
Sweet Butter Corn
Green bean Casserole

DESSERT
Apple Cobbler
Chocolate Chip Pecan Pie
Lemon Pie
Chocolate Pudding Pie

BEVERAGES
Whiskey.....haha just kidding
Ok there it is.............. wish me luck and I hope you all have a wonderful blessed holiday and new year!

BEFORE AND AFTER

WHEW! We are finally 3/4 done! I havent been posting much because I have been really busy on the kitchen project. Trying to get it done before Christmas. My initial goal was to have it done before Thanksgiving...harrrrddeeeharrr But...it is almost completely done! Also, I couldnt get my pictures off my camera onto the pc and havent wanted to share just words...
Let me set the stage and then show you the before. This is an old house with very tall ceilings. It has the old paper and mesh wallpaper over actual boards. My guy lived here and I moved in with him and he had started to redo the living room and is almost done with that. Me...I aimed for the kitchen of course! Old house, uneven everything! But I thought hey "old wood" The kitchen had about 4 actual layers of paint on the cabinets and some kind of staple like things holding the boards together. I thought well ok lets sand it down to the original wood and then just stain it. Right.


Day 1: Sand the entire day with a vibrating sander.
Day 2: Go to Home Depot and buy an actual sander.
Day 3: Sand all day with the brand new shiney sander.
Day 4: Call my son and ask how in the hell do I get all the paint off the cabinets.
Day 5: Go to Home Depot and buy some paint striper.
Day 6: Spend about 2 hours in a closed kitchen with paint stripper...lay on the couch sick as a dog for 2 more hours then go outside and watch as my guy happily strips off the paint on the cabinet doors in the beautiful sunshine and fresh air.
Day 7: Sand, Sand, Sand, realize the doors will no longer work, I dont like them they are ugly, get online and try to find new doors. Show the new doors to my guy and his wheels in his brain start turning so I let it go for the night.



I cannot continue with the days because they kind of blend into one but you get the picture...my advice to all. Hire someone. We will be moving next year its not like we have too look at this for the rest of our life. Before, dark dark green...with recessed cabinet doors and fake "antique" knobs.



And a "potato bin"????



My paint striping experience...




This is where I found out that it wasnt "old wood" after all. Someone had built cabinets over the original cabinets. Yeah, really. And did it poorely. So we build our doors and think we can still save it with a dark stain.








After seeing all the imperfections and admiting that we are a family of OCD...obsesive compulsive disorder we knew that we could not spend the next year staring at little white specks that would not sand out...which leads us to this!







I spent the rest of the day painting trim with the tan. We picked out a pretty tile to do the counter top with and a bronze faucet. I love my kitchen already. Guess what! I am having my wonderful family for christmas lunch and I am sooooooooooo excited I will post it of course because I am going to be paula dean for a day! Yay!

Happiness

Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.
Nathanial Hawthorne

ONE DOLLAR

I cry. My heart is aching. I have let my child down. I have disappointed...all.



Is there a word for the "in between" extreme happiness and extreme sadness? What is it called? I know there are many names for it. That is where I want to be today. But I am not.


You know the chart the nurse gives the child with the faces on it and he points to where he is? What he is feeling. 10 being the very best and 1 being the very worst. I am at a 3 1/2...I WOULD GIVE A DOLLAR TO BE AT A 5.



I told my marine I would drive the 8 hr trip one way to pick him up for the holiday. Do to unforeseen circumstances I was unable to do what I said. Now he is stuck there and everyone is "unhappy" with me because I got every ones hopes up...only to disappoint. Go figure I am pretty good at that.


PITY PARTY...table for one please...


I have failed at alot in my life...succeeded in a little bit. Times like this sitting on the porch swing snot bubble crying wondering if I should take my contacts out least they wash away are few and far between.


I don't cry much...doesn't mean I don't feel. Crying has always been a sign of weakness for me so...every 6 months or so I open the floodgate and let it all go so I can go back to being the strong BITCH that I am. Yes, I said bitch, and 1/4 of the other words I have said to the walls and wind today would make a sailor blush.

Writing helps. Talking don't. Few understand. Shel does...gawd how I miss her.

My pity party is over. My guy is here, he don't understand but gosh how he tries.
The waiter brings the tab and I look at him and thing wow! he looks familiar. We stare for a minute and with us both holding the Bill he leans down close and looking into my puffy eyes he says in a cinnamon whisper "will that be all for today"... I whisper back..."absolutely" then he is gone...



I look down at my tab and the total due is ONE DOLLAR. And written under is "I love you mom" I smile through happy tears and find myself back at a 10!



If He brings me to it, He will bring me through it.

I love you baby!

ANYTHING BEAUTIFUL WAS NEVER GIVEN, IT HAD TO BE SHAPED THROUGH HARDWORK AND DEDICATION...Matthew Smoak

Last night I was texting back and forth with my oldest son, he is 18 and at school in the marines in Missouri. I was complaining about how difficult my new project was. I knew it was going to be work...but hard work I was not prepared for. I thought "oh I will have this knocked out in a day or two" WRONG. I am taking about 4 or 5 layers off of the kitchen cabinets. Striping it to the natural finish. It is an old house and is currently painted a not-so-country shiny green. My boys did this about 2 years ago with their father and their great-grandfathers farm house. They had twice as many cabinets. But they also had twice as much help. So...I complained to my son about how much hard work it is going to be and he sent me a text saying...



ANYTHING BEAUTIFUL WAS NEVER GIVEN, IT HAD TO BE SHAPED THROUGH HARD WORK AND DEDICATION...


That made me stop and say with a big fat tear in my eye...When exactly did my baby boy turn into an awesome man? Don't blink folks...

My First

My first

Remember I mentioned that I had done a few “first” things since my big change? Well, I have some pictures I would like to share. I am adding to the “first” thing almost everyday. My goal is to at least do a “first” thing twice a month. I have missed out on a lot in the last ten years so it shouldn’t be too hard.


Yummmm…
My very first fudge-pecan brownies! That I haven’t burnt! I have an oven in my new home that is awesome. I knew all along it wasn’t me burning the baked goodies it was the silly oven I was using! Here is the proof!

How about this…
My first penholder!!! I painted it myself…you gotta start somewhere!

This I think turned out pretty ok…
My first fall table flower arrangement. I went to a pottery store and saw one of these for $89.00! I was telling myself, I don’t think so scooter! I did it myself for under $15.00.

Blllpp…
My first fish tank! We bought 6 lil fishies to put in there. I see that it isn’t going to be enough. Plus they are not colorful enough…but I get a pass with all my “first” stuff because I am learning by experience.

Huh?…
The first time I have ever seen an actual fig tree with fruit on it. Really. We have two in the yard and this one was still putting out figs. I am told that is unusual for the season.

Pretty…
Here is my first real fall flower arrangement. My boys made the stand as a TV stand for me out of cedar. When I moved I didn’t know what to do with it but was not about to give it up due to its sentimental value. We put it on the front porch and put the flowers in it. It turned out really pretty.

Money maker…
This is something my guy and I did together. This is my first future investment. We crunched some numbers and turns out these lil buggers actually make a few bucks! If we don’t make much at least they are purdy!

I am looking forward to many new and interesting things. I will add as I experience them. Today I started a kitchen project. I will show you everything when I am done. It is going to be work! But fun! Hopefully I will have it done before Thanksgiving!
May the peace of The Lord be with you all!

Calling Out

The moment I called out, you stepped in;
you made my life large with strength.
PSALM 138:3

I love that verse. I have it on my frig. My life has changed so much in the last couple of months. I find myself in complete awe of life itself.


I told my best friend a couple of months ago that I had finally decided to let The Lord drive. I sat in my car one morning before heading out for the day and said a simple prayer. OK Lord, I am sorry for being bossy and I want you to take control of my life. I told Him that I trusted Him completely and I was willing to go where ever he wanted me to go and do what ever he wanted me to do. I was at a dead end and did not see any of my stepping stones in front of me and I was scared.

I have always had my faith. Always believed in and loved The Lord. I always asked for help when I needed it and said thank you a few times. But I cannot look back in my life and see a place where I felt my heart swell with LOVE for my Jesus. I cannot remember a specific moment where I felt a calming PEACE come over me like a warm blanket out of the dryer. I cannot grasp a glimpse of my EXCITEMENT for the future.


Until now. Why the change? Because I called out. And now I am large with strength.


My heart is so full of LOVE, PEACE and EXCITEMENT that a simple thank you seems insufficient. I wish that I could put these feelings in a canning jar and pass them out to every person I come in contact with. Wouldn't that be neat?
Here you go...here is a little peace. Hey, mister, would you like a little love?

I am praying that all of you have bundles of LOVE, PEACE and EXCITEMENT in your heart and in your life.

It is better to be silent and be considered a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. unknown

Mommies Make it Better

Let me start by saying, WOW, I ALMOST forgot what it was like with younger children. My boys are teenagers now and have been pretty independent for a while. Although this is not the first time I have taken care of someone Else's children I can say this time is a bit more special. Since I am leaving next week I want to make a few extra good memories with my "other babies" before I go.

Last night was an interesting start. Poor thing wasn't feeling well, upset tummy, and missing momma very much! I did my best to make her feel better...but I am not momma. After a colorful bit of projectile vomiting with me holding the hair, she smiled through her tears and said....I feel better! Will you snuggle me... Precious children!
Before supper two boys decided to show me what they were learning in band. After 15 min. of warming up in a very small enclosed space whilst I was working very hard to put together a delicious supper of fried chicken(prepared by brookshires just for us) the handsome young men decided they were ready to perform. They started with a cacophony of toots and honks and swelled there way into the ever popular fight song! This has probably been the first time in years that I have heard something WITHOUT my hearing aide in. They did pretty good. I was impressed. I smiled and they played... I nodded and they played... The girls screamed and they played... I walked outside and they followed me...and played. I clapped for the ending...and they played... I put my hands together in a prayer and they came to a breathless end... Breathless meaning they were simply out of breath...Precious children!

This morning a pretty lil blonde stood in front of me giggling, opened her mouth and said...will you pull this tooth? When did I become so weak at my stomach??? I was in nursing school! I have had major surgeries, raised 3 stinky boys, cleaned my own deer!!! Why then would a wiggely lil tooth make my stomach jump into my throat? Its crazy. I just said to that pretty lil smiling girl.....EWWW NO WAY!!! WAIT FOR MOM! Of course she just giggled like she does, yanked it out and said you owe me 10 dollars... Precious children!

Little moments mean so much. I look back now and think of how fast they really do grow up. I can think about my first baby and actually smell the baby lotion I used to cover him in. I can remember how he used to lay in my lap and twirl my hair as he fell asleep. Now he is a marine, far away, learning how to blow things up and I am lucky to get a hug or two when I do see him. My other boys are still here but they are well on there way to being independent young men also.No more baby lotion or rocking or sitting in my lap.

So, my advice to myself today and anyone who will listen...hug them, hold them, humor them and most of all love them every minute of every day.

Drizzle Day

My last week here at the shop. I am watching my friends kiddos while she takes her much needed, much deserved vacation before I leave. The thunder woke us up close to midnight. Even with my hearing aide out I could feel the vibrations. Hasn't stopped raining since. Just a slow dark drizzle that makes your eyelids feel heavy and a yearning for a warm snugly sweater and hot bowl of soup.

We finished moving all my stuff. I am actually pretty worn out from all the running around and cleaning and packing and unpacking we did this weekend. But its done and I am ready to be at home. We have loads of plans to keep me busy, I think my guy spends half of his day coming up with ideas to keep me busy so that I wont feel useless. Gotta love him!

We bought our first flowerpot and flowers together this weekend. A half-whiskey barrel and a great big pot of the maroon mums. Very pretty, just the beginning. I did my first wreath the weekend before. I have a feeling there are going to be many more first things in my future.
/div>

I am ready though. And actually I am excited and no longer scared. Being with this man has made me realize a few things about myself. I just wasn't giving myself any credit.

Every stepping stone has been placed in front of me for a reason. I have faith in The Lord, He knows what he is doing. I truely believe that.