Ok, I am going to do this. As I have said before, since meeting this awsome man that I intend to spend the rest of my life with, I have done more "FIRST" things in the last half year than I have my entire life.
With that being said...I am going to do a vegetable garden this year. So......... I need any and all the help I can get. I am going to start small...10x10 on a sunny hill about 15 yards from my house.
Let me know what you think?
And wish me luck....ps...the drinking thing, psssh, piece of cake so far! I am truely blessed.
Friday, January 25
Tuesday, January 22
Thursday, January 17
Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing is so gentle as real strength.
Frances De Sales
Day 5...Yesterday I woke up and went to straight to being busy...I spring cleaned, I rearranged, I even did some sit ups and ate yogurt for lunch. Then busied myself with getting supper ready for everyone. This house is a diverse home when it comes to supper. I have learned to cope. Rarely does anyone eat the same thing for a meal. The only sit down meal is weekend breakfasts and when my boys come to visit.
Well supper was done and my guy came in he had a hard day. He works really hard and ALOT of people depend on him. He is the GO TO guy for a large company. He came in and I greeted him with a hot plate of his favorite food and a big smile...then when I was telling him about my day he started telling me about his day at the same time. I felt interrupted...and burst into tears!
He was floored. He said what? whats wrong? He looked terribly concerned, tried to hold me poor thing he was confused.
I just said I am having a really hard time with this and it seems like no one understands...oh look cyndi quit drinking, bam, everything if fine and dandy...
and grabbed the dog and the leash and headed out for some fresh air with him still trying to figure out what HE did wrong.
I cried and walked and cried and walked and prayed...ALOT.
I went back in and he hugged me and told me how pretty I was. Which is so funny, I just had to laugh.
My guy is not a man of words he is a very strong person with a very outgoing and intelligent personality and everyone likes him instantly...but when it comes to the emotional touchy feely things he is at loss for words and I always know when he wants to say something from the heart because the only thing that happens is this long look and soft touch then...Your so pretty.
Its wonderful. I love it and I love him.
I sat on the couch and he hugged me and I started crying and I told him I was sorry...see I felt selfish...Like I am the only one in the world with a problem. I am fighting these cravings and this demon telling me it would just be easier to drink than to not drink and be ugly to a wonderful guy that loves me. Here he is working hard all day, all week and he comes in to me crying and babbling because I don't have any alcohol, no I don't want it, I just want to cry about it...crazy.
Lucky for me he really does love me. He found the words last night and they really helped.
That was my biggest concern. I know I can do this, I was just afraid that when I got upset I would turn to the alcohol because that is what I have programed myself to do over the last 8 years. I can do this. I know I can.
The Lord always seems to take care of me! I am so blessed and optimistic for the future. Your prayers are greatly appreciated and I pray for all of my family, friends, and loved ones as well. Hope you have a great weekend!
Frances De Sales
Day 5...Yesterday I woke up and went to straight to being busy...I spring cleaned, I rearranged, I even did some sit ups and ate yogurt for lunch. Then busied myself with getting supper ready for everyone. This house is a diverse home when it comes to supper. I have learned to cope. Rarely does anyone eat the same thing for a meal. The only sit down meal is weekend breakfasts and when my boys come to visit.
Well supper was done and my guy came in he had a hard day. He works really hard and ALOT of people depend on him. He is the GO TO guy for a large company. He came in and I greeted him with a hot plate of his favorite food and a big smile...then when I was telling him about my day he started telling me about his day at the same time. I felt interrupted...and burst into tears!
He was floored. He said what? whats wrong? He looked terribly concerned, tried to hold me poor thing he was confused.I just said I am having a really hard time with this and it seems like no one understands...oh look cyndi quit drinking, bam, everything if fine and dandy...
and grabbed the dog and the leash and headed out for some fresh air with him still trying to figure out what HE did wrong.
I cried and walked and cried and walked and prayed...ALOT.
I went back in and he hugged me and told me how pretty I was. Which is so funny, I just had to laugh.
My guy is not a man of words he is a very strong person with a very outgoing and intelligent personality and everyone likes him instantly...but when it comes to the emotional touchy feely things he is at loss for words and I always know when he wants to say something from the heart because the only thing that happens is this long look and soft touch then...Your so pretty.
Its wonderful. I love it and I love him.
I sat on the couch and he hugged me and I started crying and I told him I was sorry...see I felt selfish...Like I am the only one in the world with a problem. I am fighting these cravings and this demon telling me it would just be easier to drink than to not drink and be ugly to a wonderful guy that loves me. Here he is working hard all day, all week and he comes in to me crying and babbling because I don't have any alcohol, no I don't want it, I just want to cry about it...crazy.
Lucky for me he really does love me. He found the words last night and they really helped.
That was my biggest concern. I know I can do this, I was just afraid that when I got upset I would turn to the alcohol because that is what I have programed myself to do over the last 8 years. I can do this. I know I can.
The Lord always seems to take care of me! I am so blessed and optimistic for the future. Your prayers are greatly appreciated and I pray for all of my family, friends, and loved ones as well. Hope you have a great weekend!
Tuesday, January 15
One day at a time
Day 3...Doing just fine so far. My brother texted me and told me one day at a time. He has been addicted to speed for a few years. And recently found the way out, today was his 60 day mark of being "clean".
Odd word. "Clean" I didn't feel "dirty" when I drank. I used to work from 8-5 Monday thru Friday. I would come home, open a cold beer, change into comfortable clothes, cook some supper, watch tv, hot bath and bed. It felt pretty ok to me.
I never felt like I needed to be "cleaned up".
When I first started this blog not to long ago, I wrote about how I had met a wonderful man and was so in love and everything was wonderful. I wrote about reaching out and calling to God to guide me to where I needed to be.
I always mention "stepping stones" and had said that I felt like at one point I was at the end of my stones and then blessedly this man came into my life and showed me something I didn't really have.
That was hope and the ability to look into the future. It was not just because he came into my life it was because I let HIM, my Savior, take control of my life.
Living with a wonderful person who does not drink was kind of like, taking off all of my makeup and clothes and standing naked in front of a full length mirror...with a can of beer in each hand. If that image dont's need "cleaned up" nothing does.
That is the most UNattractive and pathetic thing I can imagine seeing. My children have asked me to stop drinking for many years. I only once said I would try and I failed and haven't tried since. If I was doing it for someone it would be my boys. But I am not doing it for them. My guy did not ask me to stop drinking. He never, not once, has said...you drink way too much, maybe you should stop. I am not doing this for him. I am doing this for me...
See for once, for once in my life there is nothing for me to be unhappy about
no tears to cry, tho I am sure there will be some before my life is over, that is only natural...I have only natural fears, concerns and disappointments as it is right now. Before, I was alone, broke, hearing impaired, drinking too much, smoking cigs, living through the day only to go to bed so I could wake up and do it all over again the next day.
I am so happy and fufilled in my life right now...yes I would change some things,like have my boys closer to home, but the peace and security and happiness I feel right now makes me say...why on earth would I need to get drunk today? To escape what? This happiness...that is just plain stupid. I pray that I do not fail at this. I no longer want to use alcohol as an escape and to be quite honest, I have had a wonderful last 3 days....sober...with my guy. Wish me luck!
Odd word. "Clean" I didn't feel "dirty" when I drank. I used to work from 8-5 Monday thru Friday. I would come home, open a cold beer, change into comfortable clothes, cook some supper, watch tv, hot bath and bed. It felt pretty ok to me.
I never felt like I needed to be "cleaned up".
When I first started this blog not to long ago, I wrote about how I had met a wonderful man and was so in love and everything was wonderful. I wrote about reaching out and calling to God to guide me to where I needed to be.
I always mention "stepping stones" and had said that I felt like at one point I was at the end of my stones and then blessedly this man came into my life and showed me something I didn't really have.
That was hope and the ability to look into the future. It was not just because he came into my life it was because I let HIM, my Savior, take control of my life.
Living with a wonderful person who does not drink was kind of like, taking off all of my makeup and clothes and standing naked in front of a full length mirror...with a can of beer in each hand. If that image dont's need "cleaned up" nothing does.
That is the most UNattractive and pathetic thing I can imagine seeing. My children have asked me to stop drinking for many years. I only once said I would try and I failed and haven't tried since. If I was doing it for someone it would be my boys. But I am not doing it for them. My guy did not ask me to stop drinking. He never, not once, has said...you drink way too much, maybe you should stop. I am not doing this for him. I am doing this for me...
See for once, for once in my life there is nothing for me to be unhappy about
no tears to cry, tho I am sure there will be some before my life is over, that is only natural...I have only natural fears, concerns and disappointments as it is right now. Before, I was alone, broke, hearing impaired, drinking too much, smoking cigs, living through the day only to go to bed so I could wake up and do it all over again the next day.
I am so happy and fufilled in my life right now...yes I would change some things,like have my boys closer to home, but the peace and security and happiness I feel right now makes me say...why on earth would I need to get drunk today? To escape what? This happiness...that is just plain stupid. I pray that I do not fail at this. I no longer want to use alcohol as an escape and to be quite honest, I have had a wonderful last 3 days....sober...with my guy. Wish me luck!
Monday, January 14
I need all the strength I can get now
Just wanted to post that yesterday was the first day for me to commit to dropping a very bad habit and addiction that has no reason to be in my life. For the last 8 years in my head it seemed I could hear a bell ringat 4pm and I would start drinking. I am tired of hearing that bell and I have no reason to open a can of beer anymore. I am not depressed, I do not need to escape from my problems and fears and saddness. I am happy and looking forward to a wonderful future. So, I have decided to take the bell and throw it in the trash. Its is going to be hard and I pray I do not fail. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated.
Monday, January 7
What do I want to do this year?
I see the craft thing isnt for me...I have always loved to cook. It makes me so happy to feed people...maybe I will look into that. Any suggestions?
Wednesday, January 2
My "Babies"
If growing up is the process of creating ideas and dreams about what life should be, then maturity is letting go again.
Mary Beth Danielson
To value his own good opinion, a child has to feel that he is a worthwhile person. He has to have confidence in himself as an individual.
Sidonie Gruenberg
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
Franklin P. Jones
As we grow as unique persons, we learn to respect the uniqueness of others.
Robert Schuller
I love you
Not only for what you are
But for what I am
When I am with you
Roy Croft
Mary Beth Danielson
To value his own good opinion, a child has to feel that he is a worthwhile person. He has to have confidence in himself as an individual.Sidonie Gruenberg
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.Franklin P. Jones
As we grow as unique persons, we learn to respect the uniqueness of others.Robert Schuller
I love youNot only for what you are
But for what I am
When I am with you
Roy Croft
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
