One day at a time

Day 3...Doing just fine so far. My brother texted me and told me one day at a time. He has been addicted to speed for a few years. And recently found the way out, today was his 60 day mark of being "clean".

Odd word. "Clean" I didn't feel "dirty" when I drank. I used to work from 8-5 Monday thru Friday. I would come home, open a cold beer, change into comfortable clothes, cook some supper, watch tv, hot bath and bed. It felt pretty ok to me.
I never felt like I needed to be "cleaned up".

When I first started this blog not to long ago, I wrote about how I had met a wonderful man and was so in love and everything was wonderful. I wrote about reaching out and calling to God to guide me to where I needed to be.
I always mention "stepping stones" and had said that I felt like at one point I was at the end of my stones and then blessedly this man came into my life and showed me something I didn't really have.

That was hope and the ability to look into the future. It was not just because he came into my life it was because I let HIM, my Savior, take control of my life.
Living with a wonderful person who does not drink was kind of like, taking off all of my makeup and clothes and standing naked in front of a full length mirror...with a can of beer in each hand. If that image dont's need "cleaned up" nothing does.

That is the most UNattractive and pathetic thing I can imagine seeing. My children have asked me to stop drinking for many years. I only once said I would try and I failed and haven't tried since. If I was doing it for someone it would be my boys. But I am not doing it for them. My guy did not ask me to stop drinking. He never, not once, has said...you drink way too much, maybe you should stop. I am not doing this for him. I am doing this for me...


See for once, for once in my life there is nothing for me to be unhappy about
no tears to cry, tho I am sure there will be some before my life is over, that is only natural...I have only natural fears, concerns and disappointments as it is right now. Before, I was alone, broke, hearing impaired, drinking too much, smoking cigs, living through the day only to go to bed so I could wake up and do it all over again the next day.

I am so happy and fufilled in my life right now...yes I would change some things,like have my boys closer to home, but the peace and security and happiness I feel right now makes me say...why on earth would I need to get drunk today? To escape what? This happiness...that is just plain stupid. I pray that I do not fail at this. I no longer want to use alcohol as an escape and to be quite honest, I have had a wonderful last 3 days....sober...with my guy. Wish me luck!