Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing is so gentle as real strength.
Frances De Sales


Day 5...Yesterday I woke up and went to straight to being busy...I spring cleaned, I rearranged, I even did some sit ups and ate yogurt for lunch. Then busied myself with getting supper ready for everyone. This house is a diverse home when it comes to supper. I have learned to cope. Rarely does anyone eat the same thing for a meal. The only sit down meal is weekend breakfasts and when my boys come to visit.

Well supper was done and my guy came in he had a hard day. He works really hard and ALOT of people depend on him. He is the GO TO guy for a large company. He came in and I greeted him with a hot plate of his favorite food and a big smile...then when I was telling him about my day he started telling me about his day at the same time. I felt interrupted...and burst into tears!He was floored. He said what? whats wrong? He looked terribly concerned, tried to hold me poor thing he was confused.
I just said I am having a really hard time with this and it seems like no one understands...oh look cyndi quit drinking, bam, everything if fine and dandy...
and grabbed the dog and the leash and headed out for some fresh air with him still trying to figure out what HE did wrong.
I cried and walked and cried and walked and prayed...ALOT.
I went back in and he hugged me and told me how pretty I was. Which is so funny, I just had to laugh.

My guy is not a man of words he is a very strong person with a very outgoing and intelligent personality and everyone likes him instantly...but when it comes to the emotional touchy feely things he is at loss for words and I always know when he wants to say something from the heart because the only thing that happens is this long look and soft touch then...Your so pretty.
Its wonderful. I love it and I love him.

I sat on the couch and he hugged me and I started crying and I told him I was sorry...see I felt selfish...Like I am the only one in the world with a problem. I am fighting these cravings and this demon telling me it would just be easier to drink than to not drink and be ugly to a wonderful guy that loves me. Here he is working hard all day, all week and he comes in to me crying and babbling because I don't have any alcohol, no I don't want it, I just want to cry about it...crazy.
Lucky for me he really does love me. He found the words last night and they really helped.

That was my biggest concern. I know I can do this, I was just afraid that when I got upset I would turn to the alcohol because that is what I have programed myself to do over the last 8 years. I can do this. I know I can.

The Lord always seems to take care of me! I am so blessed and optimistic for the future. Your prayers are greatly appreciated and I pray for all of my family, friends, and loved ones as well. Hope you have a great weekend!